the seaman's wife ( ang pigado na pangabuhi sang asa-wa sang seaman)

Hindi ko napanood ang pelikula na may ganong title kaya di ko alam kung ano ang itinakbo ng kuwento.  I’ll be writing on my personal experience.

I exactly don’t know why I have been tagged as the seaman’s wife.  Laging sasabihin, “Ah si ano, ‘yong asawa ng seaman.  Would I take it as a compliment or a criticism?  I never realize not until now that I am almost losing my identity.  I became his shadow.  It didn’t matter to me because I love the role of being a wife.  But he was the one who would convince me that I can shine on my own.  That I am very much my own person even without him. At first I was afraid of the idea because I have to admit I have been so comfortable and secure with the thought that he is my husband.  And that would be enough.

But then, he made me understand that I am not just here to support him but to help him as we build our dreams.  I took the risk when we tried our luck in a business.  He wouldn’t be here to support me on the day to day basis but he trusted enough my capabilities that I can handle it on my own.  Sure, I couldn’t say that it is thriving now.  I am still on the process of keeping it up.  But slowly, I am not anymore just the seaman’s wife.  I am now the “owner “of that little shop.  I am still bad at handling finances, journalism didn’t teach me that, but little by little I am learning.  To be financially independent is on my wish list now.

Minsan may connotation ang tao for both the seaman and the wife na “uhaw”.  Really such an offending remark at times, but I learn to shrug it off.  Only people who understand the pain of long distance relationships could comprehend the situation.  Well, sigurado ako na hindi siya kabilang doon kasi even if he’s far, he’s so much loved.  And his fidelity has always been above his sexual desires.  I rather take it really as a running joke.  His being at sea is a profession that calls for sacrifices just like any other line of work.  And when you marry one, you marry the fact that you won’t be enjoying the everyday routine of a married life.

It did came easy for us since, we tied the knot after six years of being on, enough time to adjust.  At siguro din hindi pa gaanong kahirap para sa akin kasi wala pa kaming anak.  I really admire the mom who could put up their children in the absence of the seaman father.  I am optimistic that I can make it, he already armed me with courage to do that.  I just wish he will got to enjoy too the many first on our future children’s lives.

Some forums often mention too the difficulty of handling the in-laws.  I have seen my officemates and friends with the same dilemma.  But then again, these problems arise not only in seaman’s family but among others.  Sa make believe world lang ang walang problema.  It was not a bliss start too for us, but anything could be dealt with grace.  Just always remember that you don’t compete with your in-laws, you are an addition to the family.  And families should be filled with nothing but love.

I am not really against the idea of being just the seaman’s wife.  Pero sana tuwing mababanggit ‘yon, hindi nila iniisip na madali lang sa amin ang pera, na tipong mag-aantay lang kami ng allotment at magshopping ng magshopping.  O kaya’y tipong magpapaganda na lang para sa pag-uwi ng asawa.
Hindi rin kami “uhaw” na maghahanap ng atensiyon ng iba.

We are women who can stand on our own, who brave storms in the absence of our husbands.

And I hope, they will also set their high regard for the seamen husbands and fathers because it was never easy for them working away.  They too endured the loneliness and dangers that comes with their work.  They are often less appreciated even by their own families.  For some they thought it is an enjoyable work being able to see the world for free.  They overlooked the fact that at sea danger abounds and there is the long and tiring hours on duty.  You cannot call in sick if you don’t want to report to the job.  You can’t say “Thanks God it’s Friday”, and enjoy bottles of beer after working hours.
And when they end a exhausting day there will be no one to give them the comforting hug.

housewife

I am now playing the role most often thought as simply the career to choose when you simply don't have the choice. These past two months were my first hands on experience of being a full time housewife.

I wouldn't say it is like hell nor it is a bliss. What i like of course about the situation is the fact that i can wake up late, not late enough though,to have time to prepare lunch. I can now watch the noontime shows and have dvd marathons which gives me company while cris is at school. Of course in between i have to squeeze in the laundry, the dishes, and the rest of household chores that a dutiful wife should be doing. I promised myself that i wouldn't have my routines and just live one day at a time but i always find time to check on the clock and follow my unwritten schedule.

What i love most of course is that i have lot of time to devote with cris. Times that i can offer him my undivided attention. Eleven months being away from each other was no joke and all i wanted now is to be with him every minute of the day. He would even joke that maybe it's really time to get myself a job because i seemed to be losing my sanity.Oh well, it's just the crazy me who  doesn't want him out of my sight. He couldn't believe himself that sometimes i could be acting far from what i used to be.

It takes a lot of self-confidence to remain as a housewife who keeps herself while being there full-time for her husband. Sometimes, i couldn't help too in asking myself of my worth, but at the end of the day, I console myself of the fact that these whole thing had brought our relationship into a higher level. And, i have no regrets. I know i need to find myself a job too but for now, i will cherish these times first.