of cousins and childhood

To say that we had a happy childhood is an understatement. Together with my siblings and my cousins we had a totally ecstatic childhood. We grow up in a neighborhood where everyone knows each other, where the church was a stone’s throw away, where the national highway was right in front of our houses and at the same time, the mountains, the rivers were just as close. It all added up to the thrills and excitement of our younger years. The fact that our houses are adjacent made us extremely close to each other. Oh yes, at times we all knew the fact that the olds have some differences but it never affected our relationship in any way. We all shared the zeal in our studies. Studying had been such a fun for us and our elementary years saw us reaping honors. In between school time, we enjoyed playing “balay-balay”, turo-tinda, taraguan, patintero, luksong-tinik, Chinese garter, siato, and many more. We would often go to the rivers and wash clothes at “tolong bobon” or bath at the “sagurong”. At times, climbed all the way to the mountains and look for “bayawas, santol, pili, and baligang”. We have been so active in the church activities as well. Many times we were those “cute little angels” during the Easter. We joined “Flores de Mayo” and church presentations, we look forward for the 9 nights “prusisyon” especially the “katapusan”, and we have reached even the farthest house in the community as we accompany the visit of Our Lady of Fatima to each house. It was so normal for us at a young age leading the rosary, and yes, how excited we were for every merienda that the house owner will prepare for us. Christmas was a favorite time of the year. Aside from the Christmas gifts from our godparents, we would eagerly wait for Auntie Pipin’s “padara”. We would organize our caroling and got so overwhelmed of how much we will have after. The “simbang-gabi” would mean counting all the tithes after the nine days since Father Beloy would ask us to do that. And to our delight, he would give us the loose coins. On Christmas Eve and New Year, we would have games and back then, it was such a big deal winning a box of Pretzels and a big pack of “chicheria” The fun usually heightened on summer. We would play all day or watch films on the betamax. We would go and watch at “baraylan” and spend nights on the streets playing. And then, we would walk kilometers up in the mountain for the fiesta in our Aunt’s place. There was one summer where we studied musical instruments playing, the older ones with the guitar and us, “banduria”. But you bet, I am not really inclined with music; I only learned to play pieces that the teacher taught. We all shared the same fears for snakes as there was from time to time in our Lola’s house. And we couldn’t go out for days if there was “naligis”. I don’t know but hit and run was so rampant then. Of course, the “kapay”, and when we see even in a distance those men in penitence wearing red during Holy week it will surely send us inside the house It will be a novel if I will continue to write what we all went through. But I am just so glad about the fact that we continued the same closeness up to this day even if we lived miles apart. I wouldn’t want my childhood the other way around even given the chance. Or belong to any other clan. Ours was never perfect but I shall remain proud to have all of them in my life. And we will carry on to the next generation the good things we had in the past.

ironic

 ...that’s all I can say with my birthday celebration or was there any. I am somewhat lucky of not having work with deadlines to beat, pressuring tasks, and a slave driver boss. It’s basically more fun than work. But on my birthday, I had to come earlier than the usual because we headed out of town. It was work of course. We set meetings with two mayors and their towns were some three hours drive. Along with the long drive back and forth, I didn’t even had the chance to check the time when we were there with many people we have to meet and concerns we have to tackle. It was nighttime when we were back in the city and I was so tired to think of celebrating it somewhere. The next day was no different because we went back to the same place and had a ceremony. All my hard work for the past weeks for this affair had paid off. And I can only sigh in relief. We were back again in the city just in time for dinner and what a way indeed to celebrate my birthday. We had dinner together with the rest of Korean’s residing in my boss place. Even if as expected, they were talking in their language and I don’t get even a single word, I also enjoy their company. I’ve been used to the set up of dining with me being the lone Filipino.

And oh, my boss daughter was kind enough to translate what they were talking about. As in I’ve always heard of too, they were discussing Korean War and how their country emerged from poverty. An elder Korean would often discuss these to the new generation Koreans as their way of emphasizing of how their diligence had carried them over to what they are now. Like us Filipinos, they fear that the younger generation is not doing the job seriously and all their efforts will be put to waste. I hope there are really no reasons for their fears.

Sana mali din lang obserbasyon ko sa nakikita ko sa kabataan nila. Or sana bata pa nga lang sila at nag-ienjoy lang din sa buhay at magbabago din ang pananaw sa tamang panahon. Well, mas masuwerte pa rin sila kasi mas maganda pa rin ang kinalalagyan ng bansang iiwan sa kanila kaysa sa atin na kailangan pa rin ang patuloy na pagpupunyagi para makarating sa kung nasaan na sila ngayon.

Happy Birthday to me!

Yikes! 29 na nga ako and nothing can stop that from happening. I thought I’ll be a millionaire when I reach this age, pero heto ni wala pa akong bank account, hehehe. But in fairness, I always have the million reasons to feel rich everyday. And at 29, hypocrite ako kung di ko sasabihin na I also dread the day that I will look old physically. But the good thing about dreading that, I also become aware of how will I take care of myself. Of course, since I can’t really afford all the available anti-aging products in the market, I have learned that the best thing to do is being disciplined. Now I am careful of what to eat, how much sleep I am getting, and a lot of exercises.

Next year I’ll be in my thirties and I hope I will still be proud to say I am 30, when asked about my age. And as I look backed I remember the birthdays I had in the past.

childhood …

           sabi ni mommy ako daw pinakamasuwerte samin na magkakapatid kasi kapag b-day ko lang natataon na may panghanda. Siguro dahil by November ‘ala masyado ginagastusan. And for my siblings too, heto ang day na we would be free from all household chores especially sa paghuhugas ng pinggan na talaga naman lagi namin pinag-aawayan.

high school days …

           it coincides with our school’s foundation day at usually nagluluto kami lahat at doon kumakain kaya I just bring something too for everybody. But I was really never comfortable with gatherings na sa akin naka-focus ang attention 

most anticipated …

           (by the whole family) the year that my youngest sibling was born. Iyon nga lang she arrived in advance kasi a day before my birthday siya pinanganak. And from then on, b-day na niya kami nagcecelebrate.

          (by me) siyempre may 18^th b-day kasi feeling ko no’n puwede na ako magka-bf.  Iyon nga lang ‘ala naman pala nanliligaw sa akin.

happiest …

           my 22^nd b-day. Kasi finally nadinig na ng Diyos ‘ung kung ilang taon ko na na pinagpi-pray na ibigay na Niya ‘yong nilaan Niya para sakin. Well, it was my first time too na manood ng sine na guy ang kasama at siya na pala ‘yong magiging constant date ko forever.

saddest…

           my birthday when dapat magdi-date kami at we had miscommunication. Though he made-up the next day pero iba pa rin ‘ung sa mismong day talaga. Si eklat talaga ang dahilan ng lahat ng mga pinaka- sa buhay ko.

birthday prayer…

           thank you Lord for these wonderful life I have at sa madaming taong nagmamahal sa akin. I pray for a healthy long life to have all the time to make each and every one of them happy.

my b-day wish…

           siyempre, ‘yong bago sana ako tumungtong sa 30 na ‘yon, I’ll be about to give birth to a new life.

And as what I’ve written on my 22^nd b-day I will say again…

           As I sleep tonight I will sing to myself…"happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me!" And yes, I am happy just by the thought that someone on the other part of the world loves me so much. Crissy is the best birthday gift I have

the serenity of Ajuy, Iloilo

isang oras sa dyip

traffic siguro ngayon ang favorite word dito...at heto ang naramdaman ko habang naiipit sa usad pagong na sasakyan sa katanghaliang tapat...

nainis…

             kung bakit kasi may mga lalaki na talagang iihi sa gilid talaga ng highway na alam na madaming nagdaraan. At humarap pa sa isang bagong pinturang pader.

naawa…

             sa isang mama na ginawang pinggan ang sahig. As in linatag ang pagkain sa sidewalk ng walang sapin ni plastic. At buong gana pa siyang kumain ng nakakamay. To be honest, ‘ung parang babaliktad ang sikmura ko ang una ko na naramdaman. But after that, it just melted my heart. Kalulu-oy gid.

natuwa…

             sa isang babaeng umakyat sa jeep na naka- purple dress. Oh! I just love the color.

nag-isip…

             ano kaya ang pakiramdam ng maglakad sa initan kung mataba ako tapos pinagpapawisan  na. para siguro akong litson na nagmamantika.

nagtaka…

             kung ano kaya meron sa opisinang nadaanan namin at sobrang dami lagi ng taong nakapila. Nasa isip ko lagi na baka lending company ‘yon. Buti na lang makuwento din ang babaeng katabi ko. Clinic pala ‘yon na may doctor daw na libreng nanggagamot.  That’s reasonable enough to fall in line patiently.

nakunsumi…

             sa driver na kahit siksikan na ang jeep para pang naghihintay ng pasko kung makapag-antay ng pasahero.

natawa…

   Ang yabang niya na na lumulusot-lusot sa traffic kasi halatang bago ang motorsiklo with matching napakalakas pa ng sound na parang akala siguro niya mag-ienjoy mga tao sa ingay niya. Ayun! Nahulog sa kanal. Buti nga… I’m so mean, hehe.

nairita…

             ‘yong sensitive ko lang naman na pang-amoy sa lalaking sumampa na humahalimuyak sa pabango. Well, nothing wrong with perfumes, it’s just that some don’t blend with too hot weather.

nagutom…

             Kasi ala una na pala naiipit pa ako sa traffic..haay!

ano naman kaya ang mararamdaman ko kung sa Fortuner na ako nakasakay at ipinag-dadrive pa ako ng asawa ko? sana 'ala na 'ung negative pero i will still have compassion for people .

Ei Crissy! 'ala na naman magawa si 3sha. 

Joel Osteen's Your Best Life Now

...here goes the part which strike me most What does it mean to be a person of excellence and integrity?              A person of excellence and integrity goes the extra mile to do what’s right. He keeps his word even when it’s difficult. People of excellence arrive at work on time. They give their employers a full day’s work; they don’t leave early or call sick when they are not. When you have an excellent spirit, it shows up in the quality of your work, and the attitude with which you do it.              If you want to live your best life now, start aiming for excellence and integrity in your life, doing a little bit more than you are required to do.              You may be in a situation today where everybody around you is compromising their integrity or taking the way out. Don’t let that rub off on you. Be the one to have an excellent spirit. Be the one to stand out in the crowd. Oh, yes at one point in my life, with the work I had fresh from college, I was guilty of not doing an excellent job. Although I did my work at my very best, but I was really not particular with time. So to speak, I’ve wasted paid hours in the past. I don’t know if it came from aging or maturity, but now I can stand up and say, I deserve every cent that my employer is paying me. Baka kulang pa nga, hehehe. But I have learned too, to be at my best without thinking of monetary compensation but the service I am doing to people. God sees every move I am making. And Joel Osteen said, “God will make it up to you. If you honor Him by walking in integrity, He will make sure that you are blessed in abundance. If you want God to guard you, if you want God to bring victory into your life, you must make a decision that you are going to be a person of integrity

reminiscing...

14 Aug 2000

Dear diary,

I find my way back home. And there’s this feeling that I don’t belong there anymore. I don’t want to mean, I am stranger now to my family. My point is my views and goals in life seem to be no longer confined in my birthplace. I’m even entertaining the thought of choosing a lifetime partner from a distant place.

Am just too disappointed of not seeing him? With all honesty…NO. I didn’t expect for his presence anyway. He’s trying to enter at the back of my mind but I guess I’m wiser enough to throw his thought away. I’ve got my own life now and I don’t intend to share it with people who once shattered it. I can go on with my life without having occupied by a mere past that would just be forever just a past.

I don’t know but I am having a hard time convincing people around that I’ve already outgrown whatever I felt for him. It seems that I am still very much after him when the whole truth is that, I am not even opening the possibility of being in his arms again. I’ve long accepted the fact that we got our own separate lives.

My ardent suitor was around again. Well, there’s nothing new with that. He’s always been there during occasions but as always I failed to notice his presence. After all, this may sound childish; I never wanted him to be there on the first place. I maybe soft- spoken at one look but when it concerns a man, I can be super assertive. I’ve been that straight forward so as to say if I like a man the first time I saw him. And the moment I laid my eyes on him, there was never that erratic beat of my heart or a mere excitement. Wala lang. right there and then, I know I can never at least like him.

But imagine it’s been four years ago. Why lasts that long? Because I don’t have the nerve to tell a person to get out of my life no matter how irritated I am. I maybe assertive when I like a man but turning somebody down is a different story. I don’t wanna hurt anybody too because I know how it feels.

This may sound so “mababaw”, but I think we girls are like these, when a guy becomes a suitor, we often asks this questions to ourselves, “How would he look like if he will be my groom? Can I imagine myself kneeling before the altar with him beside?” in case it’s a no, then it can never be. And that is exactly what I feel about him. I can never imagine…me? marrying him?

Though it’s still premature to talk about marriage, I often think that my would be boyfriend will definitely be my husband. There are many instances when I begin to wonder why I am so distant to him. He never did anything wrong. In fact, he’s giving me all the favor. But really I just can’t help the feeling of awkwardness, irritability or what, every time he is around. And I would want to believe that it has nothing to do with his physical looks.

I’ve never been judgmental on skin deep qualities and I don’t want to think that I am now. But you see a man may not be necessarily handsome to be liked about. Yet, there must be something in a man’s physical attributes that you must like. And it can be a start. Really physical assets count. I don’t want to be hypocrite about that. But still he has to bear other characteristics to sustain his being likeable. Being handsome wouldn’t be enough. Sometimes a man no matter how handsome would turn out to be a monster if he’s ill- mannered. I guess everything must come in moderation. A man must have a little of every qualities to be just the right guy.

What kind of man would I want for a boyfriend? The basic thing… I must at least be physically attracted to him. Then, he must challenge my intellect into deeper level. Of course, my family must like him because I value and respect their choice. He doesn’t have to be wealthy but stable enough to assure me that my future children will be send to the best school and have a comfortable lifestyle. He must possess the authority to run my life and at the same time the understanding when I want him to succumb to mine.

For sure he will never have a difficulty on my part. No matter what I say that I can be harsh some times, I don’t think I can do it to a person I dearly love. When I fall in love, I become submissive. The man I must marry should really know me that well, that he may feel when I am angry and when I’m hurt. He should not be dumb to think that when I say okay, I mean alright. He should know how to read between the lines.

I don’t mean I’ll keep pretending even to my own husband, but I always got the tendency to hide my feelings to avoid hurting someone else. He has to learn that behind my ever smiling face is a girl who can get mad, who’s easily hurt, and yet deny it.

Few days to go and I’ll be 29. Yah right, just a year more and I’ll be in my thirties (sigh!) This weekend I kept on scanning my diaries, it just feels so good to reminisce that when I was 21, I felt this way. Oh! At 21, mommy was already on state of panic that I haven’t got and never had a boyfriend. In fact, when I came home for the fiesta that time, she told me that my long time suitor had already ask permission to have their “pamamanhikan”. Haler! He wasn’t even my boyfriend. Mommy had thought all along that I like that guy since it’s been ages that he courted me. I would say too that during that age, I’ve also been longing to have a bf. It was like being abnormal seeing my twenty-four co-stewardesses having theirs. Nevertheless, I also went with the flow. Two weeks after I’ve written this, I announced to my family that I have a boyfriend already. It didn’t came as a shock yet, they chorused in saying, “What he’s a Bisaya?” And I told them… “No, he’s not a Bisaya, he’s an Ilonggo.” With no offense meant, I guess we Filipinos had always had these biases over other regions. I guess blame it with what we often saw on TV, that a Bisaya is often portrayed with not so good characters. In defense, I would tell them that, “don’t you know Ilonggos are the sweetest in our country?” Oh, well I had it proven now. Some would joke that Ilonggo men are 99% jealous and only 1 % sweet. Hmm…that’s a fact too but I don’t have resentment over it. I am deeply flattered too over Crissy’s little signs of jealousy that shows his great love for me.

Of course, back then, I am not sure if he had all the qualities I looked for in a man. I fell in love and just trusted my heart. But since day one of our relationship I remain firm with my belief that he will be the man I’ll marry. Even it took him five years to finally pop up the question, “will you marry me?” ( I’m the one who waited for his yes actually)  , I am just so glad that I did made the right decision to love an Ilonggo man who may not have the drop dead gorgeous look, but is the most beautiful creature God blessed me with; who may not be stable enough to give me the best that the world can offer, but working hard to grant me all my dreams; who may not be able to always read what my crazy mind is thinking, but readily shouts to the world how lucky he is to have me as his wife.

Crissy I don’t mind if seloso ka, na hindi ka pa milyonaryo,hehe, I don’t care whatever they has to say, it’s only your love that matters. You know that, ek. Tayo’y magmamahalan hanggang magpakailanman. At promise mo ‘yon ha, na you will still find me desirable even after thirty years. Ako’y sa’yo at ika’y akin lamang…  3sha

Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters. - William Curry -

Whenever we are in love we lose individual consciousness. We merge with the object of our affection as if we don’t exist. We get a certain kind of high, as if we have taken drugs.

But the problem about falling in love is that it doesn’t lasts, just like a psychedelic drug trip. WE FALL OUT OF LOVE. Our inner individual personalities will soon emerge and we soon lose that ecstatic feeling. Problem is, some fall out of love faster than the others. And that’s when heartache and heartbreak occurs. And that is why it is wise not to completely lose oneself to someone. It is probably okay to let your partner have some sort of influence over you, after all, what boyfriends and girlfriends are for, but not to the point where he or she is already running your life. Remember to keep something for yourself.

NOTHING WRONG SUBMITTING YOURSELF TO YOUR MAN. BUT, BUT ONLY IF HE IS WORTH SUBMITTING TO.

If he gives you space, if he lets you be you, if he lets you follow your dreams, then, give him your submission.

But when he treats you like his possession, like a puppet, like a dummy, like a robot who follows his every command, then he’s not worth your submission, let alone your love!

M. Scott Peck/Road Less Traveled

Poem from a Friend

HE IS HERE!

Rise up Risha, rise up

  for He is here with us.

Into this world we will

  experience things that

  we have not seen before.

So prepare, surrender your

  your life and believe in Him

  for He alone can save

  our souls!

Heaven and earth will pass

  away but His words

  will not pass away.

  It will really happen!

Always bear in mind

  that someone is

  praying for you

  And…

SEMPER FIDELIS

Sir Dave, wherever you are right now, I wish you long, long life and good health. May you continue to be an inspiration to people around you.

love

 It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.

You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is more than the sum of bones and muscles and electrical impulses in then body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes its own time so too, the coming of love must be taken as an incomprehensible gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

            Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life – the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on. When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely moves away, when they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

             They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what it is wrong in them that make the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow.

             They try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.

             You need to know this about love, and to accept it. You need to treat what it brings to you with kindness. 

           If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart.

           If you find someone else in love with you and you don’t love him, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage; do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with yourself and all our hearts feel the same pains and love, even if our lives and ways are different.

          If you fall in love with another, and he falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don’t choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can.

             There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather from them. The first blush of new love is filled with overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become as someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

             Remember and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always be a mystery. Be glad that came alive for a moment in your life. If you keep your heart open, it will come again.       

...just one of the many articles my girl friends and I would exchange during our college days. I don't know what was the title. Che gave this one. This consoled me during the time that I went "crazy" over the thing called love.Ahhh... love is really complicated and no words would exactly define just what it is. That's what makes us fools in love. So when love knocks at your heart, just feel it, don't ask questions anymore.

an open letter to my future husband

Hindi ko pa man alam kung sino ka, palagi ka ng laman ng aking isipan…ano nga kaya ang hitsura mo? Guwapo, matangkad, kayumanggi? Doktor ka kaya, arkitekto, inhenyero o ano? Ewan ko…kung sino ka o anuman ang kaanyuan mo ay hindi na masyadong mahalaga sa akin.   Lagi kong iniisip kung paano kaya tumatakbo ang buhay mo ngayon. Iyon ang mahalaga sa akin, dahil kung anong uri ng buhay mayroon ka ngayon ang magsasabi kung anong klase ka ng lalaki pagdating ng panahon…ang klase ng lalaki na pakikisamahan ko habang-buhay.

             Batid ko kung gaanong hirap ang pinagdadaanan mo ngayon para patunayan ang iyong tunay na pagkalalaki. Marami na akong nabasa ukol samga lalaking ginagawang batayan ng pagkalalaki ang kahusayan sa isports, tulin ng pagmamaneho , pag-inom ng alak at paninigarilyo, at nakakalungkot man na isipin, ang malawak na karanasan sa ‘sex”. Hindi maabot mainitindihan ng panig naming mga babae kung bakit nagkaroon ng ganoong pananaw ang mga lalaki  na “sex” ang sukatan ng tunay na pagkalalaki. Napakababaw naman na pamantayan. Sana hindi ka isa sa kanila.

             Ang nakakatawa, kahit na sa modernong panahon na ito, karamihan sa mga lalaki ay naghahangad na magkaroon ng asawang birhen at walang karanasan. Ang isang lalaki  ay hindi natutuwa sa ideya na ang babaeng nakatakda niyang pakasalan ay dumaan na sa kamay ng iba. Isang malaking sugat iyon sa pinakaiingat-ingatan nilang “pride”. Madalas sentro ng malalaswang usapan sa mga inuman ang mga babaeng kanila ng natikman. Ngunit iyon ay hanggang doon na lamang. Ang mga ganoong tipo ng babae ay hindi pa rin nila ninais pakasalan. Mas pipiliin pa rin nilang ihatid sa altar ang babaeng hindi pa gumawa ng hindi dapat, isang babae na naniniwala sa kasagraduhan ng “sex” na nangangahulugan ng pag-ibig at kailanman…isang babaeng katulad ko.

             Subalit hindi ko papangarapin ang magkaroon ng asawang ganoon…isang lalaki na gustong magkaroon ng asawang birhen ngunit walang pakundangang inaangkin ang kabirhenan ng ibat-ibang babae para patunayan ang kanyang pagkalalaki. Sa aking paningin hindi siya tunay na lalaki… siya ay walang pinag-iba sa isang taong makasarili na linalamon ng insekuridad at hindi pag-ibig. Nakakaawa siya. Hindi ako intresado sa mga tulad niya.

             Kailangan ko ang iyong pagrespeto  sa iyong sekswalidad gaya ng gaano ko nirerespeto ang sa akin. Kailangan kita bilang lalaking totoo, may paninindigan, may takot sa Diyos at marunong magmahal. Dahil alam kong ang kakayahang magmahal ay ang kakayahang magpahalaga sa ibang tao tulad ng sa sarili. At higit sa lahat sana, huwag mong hayaang alipinin ka ng makamundong pagnanasa.

             Sana magkaroon ka ng kakayahang tumanggi sa mga nagkalat na tukso sa paligid. Hindi ko hangad na pakasalan ang isang lalaki na ni hindi kayang tumanggi sa kaway ng pagnanasa. Ang mga ganoong tipo ay malamang sa hindi na hindi magiging mabuting asawa. Marami na akong narinig na kuwento ukol sa mga babaeng asawa na linulukob ng alalahanin tuwing mawawalay sa paningin ang kanilang mister. Ayoko ng ganoon.

             Anong matrimonyo ang nagbuklod sa amin kung ni hindi ko kayang pagkatiwalaan ang lalaking sinanglaan ko ng dangal at pangalan sa tuwing hahakbang siya palabas ng bahay? Hindi ko nakikini-kinita ang aking sarili sa ganoong sitwasyon. Ibig kong ibigay ang aking lubos na pagtitiwala sa lalaking mamahalin ko habambuhay. At wala rin akong hihilingin sa kanya kundi ang ibigay sa akin ang parehong pabor dahil sinisiguro ko na wala siyang makikitang dahilan para pagdudahan ang aking katapatan.

             Ipinanganak tayo sa sosyedad na naniniwala na ang lalaki ay ang nakakataas. Masyadong pinahalagahan ng mundong ating kinalakhan ang “macho” na imahe ng mga kalalakihan. Wala akong balak na kuwestiyunin iyon. Dahil ako bilang babae ay nakahandang magpailalim sa kapangyarihan ng aking asawa. Igagalang ko ang iyong lubos na pagpapahalaga sa iyong “ego” ngunit huwag mo naman sanang gawing sangkalan iyon upang iwan ako sa balag ng alanganin kapag dumating ang sitwasyong kailangan nating mamili sa pagitan ng iyong tinatawag na “pride” at pagmamahal. Hindi ko hinihingi na pairalin mo ang iyong katigasan sa lahat ng bagay. Ibig ko na mamulat ka na tinitimbang ang tama sa mali.

             Walang problema sa akin kung mas pinipili mo na manahimik sa mga umpukan…kung piunagkakamalan ka nila na mahina dahil mas pinili mo na tahakin ang tama. Mas marami ka pang katangian na higit mo dapt pagyamanin kaysa sa kaalaman sa mga makamundong gawain. Hayaan mo sila kung anuman ang nais nila paniwalaan ukol sa iyo. May isang tao na lubos na makakaalam kung sino ka. At ako iyon.

             At kapag dumating na ang panahon ng ating pagkakakilala, huwag mo sana akong biguin. Ibig ko na makilala ka bilang isang lalaki na bumuo ng isang napakahalagang desisyon na maghintay… dahil mas naniniwala ka sa malinis na puri bilang matatag na pundasyon ng pamilya at kasal.

             Ako, bilang babae, iniwasan ko ang magkaroon ng anumang kaugnayang pisikal, hindi dahil wala ako na kakayahan na gawin ang bagay na iyon. Maniwala ka, maraming pagkakataong inakit din ako ng tukso, ngunit nanaig ang aking kagustuhang manatiling malinis para sa iyo, para sa ating magiging pamilya. Alam ko na hindi rin naging madali para saiyo ang lahat. Sana sa mga sandaling linalapitan ka ng tukso, isipin mo ako, ang iyong magiging asawa na naglaang maghintay dahil ang tunay na pag-ibig ay may kakayahang hintayin ang tamang oras para sa ganoong bagay.

             At ang lahat naman ay may magandang kapalit. Mas magiging matatag ang pundasyon ng ating pagsasama dahil nagsimula tayo sa tama. Ibig ko na ikarangal tayo ng ating  magiging anak bilang mga magulang na hindi nagpadala sa kalakaran ng sosyedad dahil mas pinahalagahan natin ang kagustuhan ng Diyos. Tiyak ko, ikaw ay magiging mabuting ama at asawa. Asahan mo ako ay walang ibang ipapanalangin kundi manatiling maayos ang ating pagsasama. Alam ko na nariyan ka para maging sandigan ko.

             Salamat sa iyong paghihintay. Pangako, wala kang pagsisisihan.

Adapted from ‘An Open Letter to My Future Husband’ by Mary Beth Bonnaci

One of my favorites in my collections of magazine articles. I had it translated and modified some ten years ago…But just to be honest, I didn’t hold on this idealism when I met the man who eventually became my husband. Well, it’s not something to be proud about, but we did cross the boundaries. Yet, I was still thankful that I did waited for the right man, and even if it wasn’t at the right time, we made sure not to add further complications. If I will be ask to give some advice for the young, I will still be firm in my belief that they should wait for the right time. I guess I would even say that they should consider a serious relationship only after college. It wouldn’t do them harm to wait until such time they are mature enough to handle a relationship. There’s no need to rush. Just enjoy the courtship, the getting to know each other stage, the holding hands, the sweet nothing’s because once you did the forbidden thing, you can no longer go back to those moments when just sitting together is more than enough.